An Englishman's ( woman's ) home is their castle.

What is a home? There are many idioms about ones home. "An Englishman's home is their castle" "Home is where the heart is" "Safe as Houses", "Having a roof over ones head"All of these amount to security. This morning when I awoke I was content in my home,not knowing of the danger lurking I got a real test of my emunah, notification that my house is going to be destroyed on possibly this Sunday, the paper wasn't served it was placed outside dated last Sunday.

A guy who was next door found it and gave it to me. My landlady was on her way back from US, my landlord was teaching.

I scanned document to a friend who told me what it said, I phoned round, trying to ascertain out if this would actually happen or if it’s a ploy. I live in a legal Yeshuve, on someone’s legal land;

General the opinion ranges from many people get the notifications and nothing happens - to they (the special police force that removes people from their homes with their team of packers)

can (& have in the recent past evicted residents and destroyed three homes locally, ) and will come.

Before I came to to live here I spent eight months staying with friends & family all my things in store living out of a few bags because I had nowhere else affordable to live,( I tried Jerusalem twice )I came here because my friends offered me an affordable home within an orthodox community made up of many of my friends.

After working for two years as an Em Bayit in the Midreshet on this Yeshuve, I grew to know and love the area and the people.

I must confess, I am not living here for mainly political reasons; sorry to say I do not have the reserves of energy needed to be that much of an idealist.

I am a nearly 60 year old grandmother, an arthritic cancer survivor, an aspiring writer, an accidental settler, who lives quietly on her own with her cat and only wants a quiet settled place where she can communicate with nature face to face and on line with her family & grandson.

Mid morning the Rabbi came and got the document and is trying to sort it out....

they say no news is good news I have heard nothing ....

Meanwhile I am trying to stay calm but it’s not easy, I am numb, nervous stressed angry, drained of emotion.emotional all at once.

I want to fight,

I want to fly

I want to stay,

I want to go

(more than anything I want a big hug from my son.)

I know everything is from Hashem and think good it will be good mean while I am packing up my most treasured possessions and davening and counting the time I have left here as a gift

I have to make decisions, Do I have the emotional energy for this? Can I live under this kind of threat and pressure ? Do I pack up and go ( where too?) Do I stay put and wait for the thud in the night on my door ? Am I over reacting ?,

What ever my decision, I will pick up my tehillim and ask you to pick up yours and ask the highest authority to overturn this decree….

Think good and it will be good.

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